Sexual Abuse

This topic, as you can all imagine, hits close to home. I have had my own experiences with sexual abuse, as you all know.

Sexual Abuse is when any one person, touches another inappropriately through any form of sexual contact without their consent. It's a little harder for children because most of the time they don't really know what's going on or more importantly, don't know that it is wrong.

The older the child is, the more knowledge they may have about it, but still think that it may be their fault.

For anyone who has been sexually abused, you should know that it is NEVER your fault. In most cases, the abuser is not well. They create scenarios in their head, excuses as to why it isn't wrong, etc.

Sexual abuse comes in many forms:

• Unwanted kissing or touching.
• Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity.
• Rape or attempted rape.
• Refusing to use condoms or restricting someone’s access to birth control.
• Keeping someone from protecting themselves from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
• Sexual contact with someone who is very drunk, drugged, unconscious or otherwise unable to give a clear and informed “yes” or “no.”
• Threatening or pressuring someone into unwanted sexual activity.

If you or someone you know is being sexually abused, SPEAK UP!

I made the mistake of waiting until the police were knocking at my door. This is a very serious matter and one that should be put to rest. 

For information regarding sex offenders in your area, go to this website. 

Physical Abuse

I have been dreading this post because I have a friend who went through it with her father and it was really hard to see. She would call me sometimes crying because she needed to get out of the house and would ask if she could come over to get away from it. She would come over and just want to cry. So cry she did and I would be there right with her, holding her just letting her cry. I would tell her that she needs to turn him in but she never would. She was afraid that if she did, her mom would be mad.

PEOPLE!

Please listen to me! If you are being physically abused and you are seriously scared for your life, don't let other people stop you from securing your safety. Even if it's your parents. 

There is never EVER an excuse for someone to put their hands on another unless they are trying to defend themselves. 

Physical abuse can happen to anyone. Babies, Children, Teens, Young Adults, Adults, and even Elderly people. 

And it is never too late to get help. Physical abuse is a very unfortunate thing and it can be prevented!



Some examples of physical abuse are:

• Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking.
• Throwing something at you such as a phone, book, shoe or plate.
• Pulling your hair.
• Pushing or pulling you.
• Grabbing your clothing.
• Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace or other weapon.
• Smacking your bottom.
• Grabbing your face to make you look at them.
• Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.

I'm sure you have all heard of this book. And if you haven't here's a summary:

"This book chronicles the unforgettable account of one of the most severe child abuse cases in California history. It is the story of Dave Pelzer, who was brutally beaten and starved by his emotionally unstable, alcoholic mother: a mother who played tortuous, unpredictable games--games that left him nearly dead. He had to learn how to play his mother's games in order to survive because she no longer considered him a son, but a slave; and no longer a boy, but an "it." 

Dave's bed was an old army cot in the basement, and his clothes were torn and raunchy. When his mother allowed him the luxury of food, it was nothing more than spoiled scraps that even the dogs refused to eat. The outside world knew nothing of his living nightmare. He had nothing or no one to turn to, but his dreams kept him alive--dreams of someone taking care of him, loving him and calling him their son." 

It's a really sad story but it was one that I could, in some way, relate to. It's a true story and the author is the one who was the victim. 

My sophomore year, it was a required reading and when we were all done, we were to write a letter to any author that we had read that semester. After the letters were written, my teacher, Ms. Pepper, sent the letters to a contest and we all awaited to see how our letters did. I got a semi-finalist award and was able to meet him among some other people in Olympia at the state library.

Anyways, all that is beside the point.

Dave Pelzer has an amazing story but not all of us are able to overcome something to traumatic. 

If you are a victim of Physical Abuse don't be afraid to speak up. Talk to someone who you can trust like a parent, friend, colleague, ANYONE! 

You don't need to continue to put yourself in harms way. Because no one deserves it. It's an unfortunate occurrence that happens more than it should.

Go to this website to find out some statistics on physical abuse last year; 2012.

Women are more likely than men to be a victim of domestic violence. 

One in four women (25%) of experienced some kind of domestic abuse in her lifetime.

For more facts like the one above, go to this website.

Financial Abuse

What is financial abuse?

I know that I have never heard of this before so I have just as many questions as you! So I will answer the question and give you some facts about this kind of abuse.

Financial abuse is when, your spouse, partner, parent, or whoever, likes to take control of how you spend YOUR money. They will often require you to share control of your bank accounts and sometimes credit information.

At no point in any relationship should someone try to take control of how your money is spent.

IT'S YOUR MONEY!



Here are a few examples of the behaviors of a Financial Abuser:

• Giving you an allowance and closely watching what you buy.
• Placing your paycheck in their account and denying you access to it.
• Keeping you from seeing shared bank accounts or records.
• Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours you do.
• Preventing you from going to work by taking your car or keys.
• Getting you fired by harassing you, your employer or coworkers on the job.
• Hiding or stealing your student financial aid check or outside financial support.
• Using your social security number to obtain credit without your permission.
• Using your child’s social security number to claim an income tax refund without your permission.
• Maxing out your credit cards without your permission.
• Refusing to give you money, food, rent, medicine or clothing.
• Causing visible bruises and scars so that you are too embarrassed to go to work.
• Using funds from your children’s tuition or a joint savings account without your knowledge.
• Spending money on themselves but not allowing you to do the same.

Emotional or Physical Abuse usually plays a part in a situation where you are being Financially Abused.

When your partner is taking money without your permission, it leaves you feeling vulnerable and thus makes it harder for you to try and leave.

You think that they still have some sort of control over you. 

If you feel like you need out of the relationship talk to someone you trust like a friend, family member, or even a legal advisor. Have them help you set up a secret location where you can set aside funds in case you do need out.

Last Monday!

Alright guys! So it's our last monday together and once again I will be answering any questions you may have. Those of you who are going out on their extern, I want to wish you all the best of luck! Those completing your degree, congratulations you made it! And for those of you who still have some classes to go, I wish you all the best in the rest of your time here!

Get to asking those questions! (;

Thanks,
Lisea

Second Monday!

Hey everyone!

So today is Monday! I will be answering your questions and responding to your comments. And again, if you feel like sharing any stories with me feel free to shoot me an email!

Thanks!
Lisea

Stalking

When someone thinks about the word stalking, they usually think of someone maybe following them around, taking pictures from far away, memorizing the person schedule, etc. But there are actually many types of stalking and I am going to share them with you.

A stalker can be classified as three different types: former sexual intimate, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

Former sexual intimates or Ex-intimates are far more likely to be violent to the victim than any other type of stalker.

There is a more complex list of five different types:

1. The rejected stalker
2. The resentful stalker
3. The intimacy seeking stalker
4. The incompetent suitor
5. The predatory stalker

If you would like any information on what these mean go to this website.

When it comes to a stalker, one of the best ways to get away from it is to get a restraining order. Without one, the stalker can be within feet of you. With a restraining order, however, this allows police to arrest the stalker on the spot if they disobey the order.

You may be asking, "Why do people stalk others?" Well the answer is simple. They stalk because they are "obsessed" with you, they want revenge, or they feel like they've been rejected.

Follow these steps to protect yourself if you believe you are being stalked.

To protect yourself from a stalker, be wary of your privacy. Instead of having your home address printed on your checks, for example, put an alternate P.O. box address printed on them. Be careful of who you give any personal information to i.e. phone number, or email address.

When you confront a stalker or are confronted by a stalker, don't be too nice. Stalkers know that most people were brought up to be polite, kind-hearted people and will use that to their advantage. They may say to meet them somewhere for lunch and when you agree, you make them believe that they have control over you.

If you are being stalked, and they stalker sends you things such as gifts, don't throw them away. You can use them as evidence if you ever needed to.

Tell your neighbors if you think you are being stalked. They will most likely watch your house if you're away and if they ever see any suspicious behavior they will tell you about it.

Take down any high shrubs, bushes, or trees that a stalker could hide behind. They WILL hide behind them.

Don't be afraid to tell your coworkers or boss. A stalker will always check your workplace if they are looking for you so it is good to let others know so that they can warn you or try to get the stalker to leave.

Take a self defense class. Be able to handle yourself if they ever try to attack you. It may just save your life.

Change your driving routes. If you think someone is following you, take a different turn or head to a friends house instead. If you think you are in very real danger, head toward your local police or fire station.

Emotional Abuse.

So yesterday I gave you a brief definition of what emotional abuse is and so today I'm going to tell you a little about what you can do to prevent or stop it from happening.

So I found this website and it has a lot of really great information so feel free to check it out!

The First thing to understand is that emotional abuse is directed at one person and the abuser is trying to control the person being abused. This often leads to that person feeling very unworthy and brings down their self esteem majorly.

The abuser will degrade you, yell at you (curse), or even try to publicly humiliate you. And will even try to make you fearful of them.

Emotional abuse isn't just between two people in a romantic relationship. It can be from a parent or teacher, a babysitter or caretaker, or from any other situation where there is a person who thinks they are in control of another person i.e. bosses, managers, etc.

If you think someone is being emotionally abused, look for these indicators:

• Depression or Withdrawal
• Low Self-Esteem
• Anxiety
• Extreme dependence on the abuser
• Feelings of guilt or shame

If you are being emotionally abused, only you can change it. The people who don't speak up are pretty much telling the abuser, "It's okay that you are doing this to me." When in reality, it's not! 

You need to set new and HEALTHY boundaries in the relationship. Tell the abuser, "It is NOT okay that you are doing this to me, and I will NOT put up with it anymore." If they are not receptive to the things you are sharing with them, seek professional help.

Don't be afraid to go to therapy if you feel like you (and the abuser) really need it. In most cases, therapy will help the abuser see that what they have done is wrong. And they will most likely stop the abuse.

If you have any questions regarding this post, feel free to ask.

And if you feel like you are a victim of emotional abuse call this abuse hotline: 888-743-5754